Our 36 hours of play and toting time in the never-ever-for-North America 335d Touring version of the all-conquering BMW 3-series proved to us just how many light-years we’ve gone beyond the 4.3-liter diesel V-6 in the 1984 Buick Century Estate Wagon.

The new 335d Touring carries a 286-horsepower “variable” twin-turbocharged 3.0-liter straight-six diesel engine in front and up to forty-eightand-a-half cubic feet of Euro cargo in back. Of course, diesels are not all about horsepower, but more intelligently about torque. This diesel creates exactly 428 pound-feet of the stuff between 1750 and 2250 rpm. The perfectly balanced straight-six uses the 5000-rpm redline to the fullest (horsepower maxes out at 4400 rpm) and gets the 335d Touring to 62 miles per hour in just 6.3 seconds.

By “variable twin turbo,” BMW means two turbos that collaborate to keep the boost coming from way down low while dawdling along, right up to 5000 rpm when hightailing it. Both turbochargers—one small and one large—act on all six cylinders in this scenario. The smaller turbo handles minimal boost needs at starting, idle, and up to around 1750 rpm. At that rev count, the larger turbo takes over the workload and can cram cooler air into the intakes at an intense max pressure of 42.1 psi.

Driving the crazed roads in and around Milan, Italy, the 335d’s throttle response is not to be believed. Our car had the M Sport package and this gets you the M Sport steering wheel with a heavier carving feel to the steering action, full aero kit, sport suspension that hunkers the car down a bit, and M Sport seventeeninch wheels with wider rear Bridgestone Potenza tires. Thus equipped, and with the optional six-speed automatic Steptronic with outstandingly engineered steering wheel-mounted paddles, the 335d Touring is an incredibly satisfying drive. In Europe, this sort of car is considered the apex of practical sexiness.

It cruises the highways forever with its 16.1-gallon tank, regularly pulling 40 miles per gallon, and a total tank range under the best conditions of 640 miles. On average combined city and highway, it does 31.5 mpg with a range of 510 miles. These numbers and such butch performance really shouldn’t go together.

All BMW six-cylinder diesels come with a state-of-the-art particulate filter as well, so overall emissions fall below the pollutants generated by almost any gas six-cylinder on earth.

But California hates evil diesels and so all of North America must perforce follow suit.

Hold on. What’s this? Why, there’s been a change of plan. As announced exclusively in the WINDING ROAD blog bulletins November 8, BMW is hitting us with their newly hatched diesel prospectus for North America at this month’s L.A. Auto Show! No, there will be no 3-series diesels, but there will be boats and boats of 5-series six-cylinder diesels for all fifty states by the last days of 2008. That includes the 535d bi-turbo that will make your life a better place to drive.